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Part of Get a divorce: step by step

Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate

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1. Overview

You can choose how to make arrangements for looking after your children if you separate from your partner.

What you can do is different in Scotland and Northern Ireland.

You and your ex-partner may be able to avoid going to court if you agree on:

  • where the children will live
  • how much time they’ll spend with each parent
  • how you’ll financially support your children

This is called making child arrangements (sometimes known as ‘child custody’ or ‘child contact’).

You can agree on child maintenance at the same time or separately.

This guide is also available in Welsh (Cymraeg).

Get help agreeing without going to court

You can:

You can also get help and information from:

If you cannot agree on everything

You can apply for a court order if you cannot agree after using a mediator or getting help.

If you decide to go to court, you’ll usually need to show you’ve tried mediation before you apply. You can get a voucher worth up to £500 to pay for family mediation, regardless of what you earn.

It costs £263 to apply for a court order. You may be able to get help paying court fees if you’re on benefits or a low income.

You may be able to get legal aid to help pay for a legal adviser in court. For example, if you have evidence that you’re a victim of domestic abuse.

2. Make a child arrangements plan

You do not have to do any official paperwork if you agree about child arrangements.

You can write down what you’ve agreed in a ‘child arrangements plan’ if you want a record.

You can use this service to help you plan and agree on child arrangements. It creates a document which you can share with the other parent to ask for their agreement and suggestions.

You can also use the service with the other parent to make a plan together.

What the plan includes

You’ll be asked to suggest details about how you plan to look after your children, such as:

  • when and where they spend time with each parent
  • when and what other types of contact take place (phone calls, for example)

When to use this service

You can use this service if you either:

  • have no child arrangements in place yet
  • want to suggest changes to your existing arrangements

You should not use this service if you already have a court order that sets out child arrangements you and your ex-partner must follow. You can change or enforce an order instead.

Make your plan

Any plan you create using this service is not legally binding. The other parent does not have to do what it says and either of you can suggest changes to it at any time.

Do not use this service if you feel pressured or intimidated into using it. If you or your children are at immediate risk of harm, call 999 and ask for the police. Find out how to get help if you’re a victim of domestic abuse.

Start now

If you want to make changes to the plan, you can use the service again but you’ll need to create a new plan.

You can also download and fill in the child arrangements plan template (PDF, 0.5MB).

If you need help to reach an agreement

A legal adviser can help you make a legally binding agreement or recommend other ways to agree on child arrangements outside of court. They can also tell you how much it costs.

Making your agreement legally binding

You can get a legal adviser to prepare a draft ‘consent order’.

You and your ex-partner both have to sign the draft consent order. You’ll also need to get it approved by the court.

If the court approves your agreement the consent order becomes legally binding.

You or your ex-partner need to apply for a court order to ask the court to approve your agreement.

Keep a copy of both the form and the draft consent order.

After the court gets your paperwork

There’s usually no court hearing. A judge will approve your consent order if they think the arrangements are best for your children.

If the judge does not agree with what is in your draft consent order, they can:

  • arrange a court hearing
  • ask for more evidence to help them decide what order should be made

Help and support

Get help and information from Citizens Advice.

Find support and guidance about child abuse and neglect on NSPCC’s website.

Find out how to get help if you’re a victim of domestic abuse.

3. Make an agreement through mediation

You can use a mediator to help you and your ex-partner agree on child arrangements. This can often mean you do not have to go to court.

A mediator is a professional who will work with you to help you make decisions based on your child’s best interests. They listen to both sides and take a neutral approach.

If it’s suitable, a mediator can talk to your child about what they want. This is called ‘child-inclusive mediation’.

You can attend sessions in person or remotely (for example by video or phone). You do not have to be in the same room or call as your ex-partner.

Mediation is not relationship counselling.

You need to use an accredited mediator. Find a local mediator on the Family Mediation Council website.

What mediation can help with

Mediation can help you and your ex-partner agree on the details of how you’ll look after your child, such as:

  • where they live
  • when they spend time with each parent
  • when and what other types of contact take place (for example, phone calls) 
  • how to cover your child’s living costs (for example, housing and day to day care)

Before you start mediation

You may need to go to an initial meeting with the mediator. This is sometimes called a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).

At this meeting, the mediator will give you advice about the mediation process, discuss your situation and help you to decide if mediation is right for you. They may also explain other ways you can agree on child arrangements without going to court.

If you decide to go to court, you’ll usually need to show you’ve attended a MIAM before you apply. If you attend a MIAM but your ex-partner does not, you can still apply to go to court.

You will not have to go to a MIAM in some circumstances, for example if there’s been domestic abuse.

You need to use an accredited mediator. Find a local mediator on the Family Mediation Council website.

After you go to a MIAM

The mediator will sign a form that shows you attended. You’ll need to show this if you apply to go to court. Only a mediator accredited by the Family Mediation Council can sign the form.

How much a MIAM costs

The cost of a MIAM depends on the mediator you choose. The usual cost is around £120. You and your ex-partner will need to attend your own MIAM separately.

You do not have to pay for a MIAM if either you or your ex-partner qualifies for legal aid.

How much mediation costs

Mediation is usually cheaper and quicker than going to court.

The cost of a MIAM is separate from the cost of mediation.

You and your ex-partner will need to decide how the cost of mediation is shared.

Get up to £500 towards the cost of mediation

You can usually get a voucher worth up to £500 to pay for family mediation, regardless of what you earn. 

The voucher usually pays for a minimum of 2 mediation sessions, depending on where you live and the type of mediation. For example, mediation where each parent is in a different room could cost more.

The voucher cannot be used towards the cost of a MIAM. It can only be used towards the cost of mediation sessions.

You and your ex-partner can only use one voucher to jointly cover your mediation costs for up to £500 – you cannot apply for multiple vouchers.

Find out how the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme works.

How to get a mediation voucher

Ask an accredited mediator to apply for the voucher. You do not need to pay upfront for any sessions the voucher covers.

You may also be able to get legal aid to cover the cost of mediation if you’re on a low income.

Legal aid will cover the costs of:

  • a MIAM
  • any mediation sessions needed after the MIAM
  • applying for a consent order (a document that makes your agreement legally binding)

Legal aid will cover the costs of: 

  • a MIAM

  • the first mediation session for both parents after the MIAM

It will also cover any further costs of the parent who’s eligible for legal aid. It will not cover the other parent’s costs.

Check if you can get legal aid.

What happens next

If you reach an agreement, you’ll get a document at the end of mediation showing what you and the other person have agreed. You do not need to do anything else.

If you want to make your agreement legally binding, you should hire a solicitor. They’ll draft a consent order. You can then apply to court to ask a judge or magistrate to review and confirm the order.

If the mediator thinks that mediation is not right for you, they might advise you to go to court instead.

Help and support

Find out about other ways to agree without going to court.

You can also:  

4. Other ways to agree without going to court

There are other ways to help you agree on child arrangements outside of court. These are sometimes known as ‘non-court dispute resolution’ (NCDR).

NCDR is usually quicker than going to court.

The type you choose will depend on your circumstances. For example your financial situation, where you live and whether you’re in contact with your ex-partner.

You could try:

  • solicitor negotiation
  • collaborative law
  • arbitration
  • neutral evaluation
  • mediation

If you decide to go to court, you’ll usually need to show you’ve tried mediation before you apply. You can usually get a voucher to pay for family mediation, regardless of what you earn.

A legal adviser can help you decide what type of resolution is suitable for you. They can also tell you how much it costs.

If you’re not in contact with your ex-partner

Solicitor negotiation

If you’re unable to contact your ex-partner or they do not reply to you, you can find a legal adviser to help you negotiate. This is known as ‘solicitor negotiation’ or ‘lawyer negotiation’.

You do not have to speak to your ex-partner if you choose a solicitor to negotiate for you. 

If you’re in contact with your ex-partner

You can still negotiate through a solicitor if you’re in contact with your ex-partner but there are other options available to you.

Collaborative law

You and your ex-partner can each hire your own legal advisers to help you negotiate. You then all meet to try and agree on child arrangements. This is known as ‘collaborative law’.

Find a legal adviser.

Arbitration

Arbitration is when a legal professional (such as a judge, solicitor or barrister) listens to both of your views.

Find an arbitrator on the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators website.

Neutral evaluation

Neutral evaluation can help you and your ex-partner understand how likely it is that you’ll get the child arrangements you want in court. 

A legal professional (such as a family lawyer or judge) will listen to both of your views. They then give their unbiased opinion on what a court might decide. 

Both parents need to attend the neutral evaluation meeting.

It could help you come to an agreement without going to court which could save you time and money.

Neutral evaluation is different to mediation because a mediator cannot tell you what the outcome of your court order might be.

Find a legal adviser to arrange neutral evaluation.

What happens next

If you reach an agreement, you do not need to do anything else. You and your ex-partner can agree to follow what’s been decided.

Ask your solicitor or find a legal adviser if you want to make your agreement legally binding. They’ll draft a consent order. You can then apply to court to ask a judge or magistrate to review and confirm the order.

Get help or advice

You can ask a legal adviser about other types of resolution.

You can also:

5. Apply for a court order

A court order is a legally binding decision made by the court. It sets out the child arrangements that you and your ex-partner must follow.

There are different rules for making child arrangements in Scotland and Northern Ireland.

Who can apply

You can apply for a court order if you have parental responsibility. For example, you’re the child’s mother or father.

You can also apply if you’re another relative of the child, such as a grandparent, aunt or uncle.

How long it takes to get a court order

It usually takes around 10 months to get a court order, depending on where you live and your situation.

You may want to consider mediation or other ways of getting help to agree without going to court. These can be quicker.

Before you apply

You may need to go to a meeting before applying to court. This is called a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).

At this meeting, a mediator will explain how mediation works, discuss your situation and help you decide if mediation is right for you. They may also explain other ways you can agree on child arrangements without going to court.

You can usually get a voucher worth up to £500 towards the cost of mediation.

If you attend a MIAM but your ex-partner does not, you can still apply to go to court.

Find out more about mediation including how to book a MIAM and get the voucher.

Who does not have to go to a MIAM

You will not usually need to go to a MIAM if one of the following applies:

  • you’ve been to a MIAM or tried other ways of agreeing without going to court in the last 4 months
  • you have evidence that you’re a victim of domestic abuse
  • you’re applying for a consent order
  • your children are at risk of harm, for example social services are involved in their care
  • you cannot go to a MIAM because of your location, situation or the mediator’s availability
  • you’re applying for a ‘without notice hearing’ (a hearing which happens without the other person being told)
  • the application is urgent, for example, you or your child are in danger

Find out more about who does not have to go to a MIAM, including the evidence you’ll need to show and how the court decides which applications are urgent.

Check which court order you need

The type of court order you need depends on what you cannot agree on.

You can apply for more than one type of court order.

The court will only make an order if it’s what’s best for your child.

If you already have a court order in place you can change or enforce it. For example, if your ex-partner is not following it.

If you’ve agreed on child arrangements with your ex-partner, you can apply for a consent order to make the agreement legally binding.

The consent order needs to be signed by both parents and can include details about how your child is looked after. A judge or magistrate will review and decide whether to confirm the order.

You do not usually have to attend court.

Child arrangements order

A child arrangements order is when the court decides where your child lives, who they’ll spend time with and whether other types of contact will take place, for example phone calls.

Specific issue order

You can ask the court to help you agree on a specific issue, for example where your child should go to school.

Prohibited steps order

A prohibited steps order stops your ex-partner from making any permanent decisions about your child’s upbringing. For example, taking your child out of the country.

A legal adviser can help you to apply for a court order. They can also tell you how much legal advice may cost. Some legal advisers offer free one-off consultations.

Find a legal adviser.

You may be able to get legal aid to help pay for a legal adviser in court. For example, if you’re on a low income or have evidence that you’re a victim of domestic abuse.

Some charities can help you find a legal adviser. You can contact Advocate if you cannot afford one and do not qualify for legal aid.

You can represent yourself in court without a legal adviser.

To get help, you can contact:

How much it costs to apply

It costs £263 to apply for a court order. You may be able to get help paying court fees if you’re on benefits or a low income.

You’ll need to pay any costs for a legal adviser separately.

Apply online

You can save and return to your application later. You have 28 days to complete it once you’ve started.

Apply online now

Other ways to apply

You can also apply by post. Fill in the C100 form.

You’ll need to send the court your original C100 form and 3 copies. Find your nearest family court.

6. After you apply for a court order

The court may arrange a ‘directions hearing’ with both parents if you apply for a court order.

There will usually be a family court adviser from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) at the hearing. They’ll be from Cafcass Cymru if you’re in Wales.

If there’s a hearing, Cafcass will send you information before you go. They’ll usually ring you too.

At the hearing, a judge or magistrate will try to work out:

  • what you can agree
  • what you cannot agree
  • if your child is at risk in any way

They’ll encourage you to reach an agreement if it’s in the child’s best interests. If you can, and there are no concerns about the child’s welfare, the judge or magistrate can end the process.

The court will make a consent order which sets out what you’ve agreed, if necessary.

If you cannot agree at the first court hearing

The judge or magistrate will set a timetable for what happens next.

They may ask you to try again to reach an agreement, for example by going to a meeting with a mediator.

You may have to go on a course if your case is about child arrangements. The course is called a ‘Separated Parents Information Programme’, and could help you find a way to make child arrangements work.

You usually have to go to one or 2 meetings, depending on the type of programme. Your ex-partner will not be at the same meetings as you.

If you reach an agreement at any stage, the judge or magistrate can stop the process.

Cafcass reports

The court can ask Cafcass to provide a report on your case to help decide what’s best for the child.

The Cafcass family court adviser may ask your child about their feelings. You’ll get a copy of the report when it’s written.

What judges and magistrates consider

They’ll always put the welfare of children first. They will think about the:

  • child’s wishes and feelings
  • child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
  • effect any changes may have on the child
  • child’s age, gender, characteristics and background
  • possible risk of harm to the child
  • ability of parents to meet the child’s needs
  • orders the court has the power to make

A judge or magistrate will only make an order if they think it’s in the child’s best interests.

If you want to change your application

Use form C2 to change an application that the court is still considering.

The fee depends on what you’re asking the court to do. You pay the court:

  • £190 if you still want the court to decide your case through a court hearing
  • £60 if you and your ex-partner have agreed and you want the court to approve your consent order without a court hearing

7. Change or enforce an order

You can change an existing court order or consent order. You can also ask a court to enforce an order if your ex-partner is not following it.

If you ask the court to change or enforce an order, you’ll probably have to go to a court hearing. You can usually avoid this if you get support outside of court, such as using a mediator or getting other help instead.

Change an order

You can decide to do something different from the court order, if you both agree. But you will not be able to enforce this later on unless you make it legally binding.

Make a change legally binding

If you both agree, you can draft a consent order to cover the new agreement and ask the court to approve it.

If you cannot agree, you can ask a court to decide how to change (‘vary’) the order.

Enforce an order

If your ex-partner is not following the order, you can ask the court to enforce it. Follow these steps.

  1. Fill in form C79 to apply - read guidance CB5 if you need help.

  2. Use form C78 to attach a ‘warning notice’ if your order was made before 8 December 2008. Orders made after this date will already include one.

  3. Send it to the court nearest to you that deals with cases involving children. It costs £263.

The court will look at the facts again to see if anything has changed.

If the court enforces the order

Depending on your situation and what you’ve asked the court to decide they might make:

  • an ‘enforcement order’ - this means your ex-partner has to do between 40 and 200 hours of unpaid work
  • an ‘order for compensation for financial loss’ - this means your ex-partner has to pay back any money you’ve lost because they did not follow the order (for example if you missed a holiday)

You can go back to the court if your ex-partner still does not do as the court ordered.

If the court does not enforce the order

The court might not enforce the existing order if they think that your ex-partner is not following it because:

  • they have a good reason
  • it’s better for your children to do something different

You can go back to the court if you do not agree with their decision or your situation changes.

End an order

Use form C100 to apply to end (‘discharge’) a court order that’s not working, or is not relevant to you and your children any more.

If your order ends at a fixed time (‘time-limited’), you can make your own agreement or draft a consent order.

You can get support to reach agreement, such as using a mediator or getting other help.